Dear New Dads and Dads-To-Be:


If you're even thinking of having a baby, you need this book.

I'll show you how to become a father with your masculinity, your sanity, and your lower back intact.

You may even have a few laughs along the way.


Good luck, guys --


How to Feel Manly in a Minivan takes you from conception through your child's first birthday. Starting from the very beginning, we'll cover such essential topics as:
  • How to Abandon Your Entire Existence
  • How to Have Sex For Procreation
Moving on to pregnancy:
  • How to Be Useless
  • How to Help Her Get Off the Sauce
  • How to Win the Name Game
When the big day finally comes, you'll learn:
  • How to Remain Conscious During Delivery
  • How to Relieve Post Pater Depression
And as you begin your new life, you'll need to know:
  • How to See Your Wife as a MILF
  • How to Get That #%&%$ Song Out of Your Head

Plus, How to Feel Manly in a Minivan includes dozens of other fatherhood survival strategies.

FROM "How to See Your Wife as a MILF"

From Mrs. Robinson to Stifler's mom, MILFs have intrigued eager, young males with their smoky maturity, their extensive knowledge of the erotic arts and their faintly palpable desperation. They're irresistible, and your wife is now one of them.

For those of you who are concerned that you'll no longer find your wife attractive after you've seen her give birth, I've got three words for you: major league yabbo's. That's right, your wife will be more well-endowed than Shiloh Jolie-Pitt's trust fund.

You may also be concerned that the sex will never be as good as it once was. In reality, it may be even better. Since your wife will want to get through it as quickly as possible before the baby wakes up, you can finally abdicate virtually all foreplay responsibilities with impunity.

This is a time to treasure, when you can finally engage in a purely male version of intercourse, the kind that's discussed derisively on daytime talk shows, but which always seems rather appealing when you see it on Animal Planet. And when it's over, you may finally hear those five words you've waited your entire adult live to hear: "What took you so long?"